bisexuality identity struggleAh, Bisexual identity struggles!!!!
The beautiful, chaotic, and slightly confusing middle ground where you’re attracted to literally everyone and yet somehow still feel like an imposter in the LGBTQ+ community. If you’re bisexual, you’ve likely experienced the bi-weekly existential crisis—a regular, unscheduled meltdown where you question your identity, your dating preferences, and, of course, whether you “look bisexual enough” today.
Step One: Waking Up and Remembering You’re Bi
You wake up, stretch, and scroll through your phone, casually thirsting over a Hollywood heartthrob and then immediately swooning over that one effortlessly cool woman with an undercut. Classic Tuesday morning. But wait—does liking both Chris and Monica make you really bisexual, or are you just greedy? Are you taking up too much space? Should you have one definitive preference? Lord the Bisexual identity Crisis in unmatched!
Your brain, ever the overachiever, decides that before you even brush your teeth, you must spiral into a deep self-reflection session. You spend ten minutes staring at the ceiling, debating if your bi-card should be revoked because last week you crushed on someone of a single gender. The answer? Absolutely not, but try telling your overthinking brain that.
(Need support? Check out QPlus’s guide on bisexuality for some validation.)
Step Two: The “Do I Look Bisexual Enough?” Panic
Time to get dressed. But, of course, you can’t just throw on any outfit—you need to exude bisexual energy. You stare at your wardrobe. Flannel? Too much? Leather jacket? Too cliché? High-waisted jeans? Maybe. Is your tote bag screaming “queer intellectual” or “random person who forgot a reusable grocery bag”?
Eventually, you settle for the classic “effortlessly cool but actually took 45 minutes to plan” look. And then, halfway through the day, you realize nobody actually cares what you’re wearing, and you just wasted an hour of your life. But that doesn’t stop you from adjusting your cuffed jeans, fixing your perfectly tousled hair, and wondering if your bisexual aura is strong enough to be perceived by strangers on the street.
(For some outfit inspiration, check out Bisexual Fashion Trends!)
Step Three: Relationship Status = Confusion
Single? Great. Now everyone assumes you’re straight unless you wear a giant neon sign that says “I Kissed a Girl and I Also Liked It When I Kissed That Guy Too”.
Dating a woman? Time to deal with the “Oh, so you’re actually a lesbian now?” comments.
Dating a man? Suddenly, you’re a “fake bisexual” and have been “straight all along.”
No matter what, someone will have an opinion about your sexuality, and, question your Bisexual identity! They will voice it without hesitation. Your aunt will say, “It’s just a phase, dear,” while your coworker will smugly declare, “You just haven’t picked a side yet.” But the real crisis hits when you catch feelings for everyone at once and have no idea how to handle it.
(If you’re tired of the myths, read Debunking Bisexual Stereotypes.)
Step Four: Crushes. So Many Crushes.
The bisexual experience is basically living in a rom-com but with zero resolution. Every day, you meet someone new, and your brain instantly short-circuits. That barista? Adorable. Your coworker? A menace to your heart. That random person who held the door open for you? Could be the love of your life.
Bisexual panic is real. One moment, you’re admiring a beautiful woman in a bookstore, and the next, you turn your head and oh no, a very attractive man just smiled at you. The sheer range of emotions is exhausting. And don’t even get started on androgynous folks—your bisexual brain simply cannot compute. You attempt to be normal, but suddenly you’re blushing, fumbling with your wallet, and forgetting how to speak.
(Read more on bisexual dating struggles.)
Step Five: Representation Crisis
You decide to watch a TV show featuring a bisexual character to feel seen. Except, surprise! The character is either:
- Hyper-sexualized with zero personality
- Never actually uses the word “bisexual”
- A one-season side character who disappears mysteriously
- The villain for no reason
You sigh and return to rewatching She-Ra for the hundredth time because, let’s be honest, that show got it right. Then, a show finally gives you a bisexual protagonist, and someone on Twitter calls them “too bi to be realistic” while another claims “not bi enough.” You can’t win.
(For a list of great bi representation in media, check out GLAAD’s bisexual media report.)
Step Six: The “Am I Queer Enough?” Debate
You see all your gay friends attending Pride events, wearing rainbow outfits, and being effortlessly cool, and suddenly, you feel like you haven’t “earned” your queer card. Have you dated enough people of different genders? Have you struggled enough? Should you be louder about your bisexuality?
Then you remember that bisexuality isn’t a competition, and there’s no “queer enough” checklist. But still, the existential crisis lingers. You remind yourself that bisexuality doesn’t have to be performative. Whether you’ve dated one gender more than another or haven’t dated at all, your identity is still valid. But five minutes later, you’re back to Googling, “How to look bisexual without trying too hard?”
(Read Why Bisexual Visibility Matters to reassure yourself!)
Step Seven: Acceptance (Until Next Week)
By the end of the week, you finally calm down. You remind yourself that bisexuality is real, valid, and doesn’t have to look any specific way. You exist, and that’s enough.
Then, just as you’re feeling good about yourself, a new crush appears, and you’re right back at square one.
And so, the bi-weekly existential crisis continues.
(For more bisexual resources, visit QPlus.)
Moral of the story? Being bisexual is both a blessing and a daily test of patience. You’re not alone in the struggle, and if you ever feel lost, just throw on some Doc Martens, grab an iced coffee, and remind yourself: You are valid, you are hot, and yes, you absolutely do look bisexual enough today.
(At least until your next wardrobe crisis.)
