Has the thought ever occurred to you that you could have come out of the closet much earlier or expressed yourself with pride? Have you ever thought that your happiness and expressing inner self is more important than judgments of the homophobic?
If yes, this letter (written by a person from the LGBT community) would make you feel that you should have come out of the closet much earlier. This letter was written by Mihika where she expressed herself through her words that she wanted to write a letter to her younger self who hid her sexuality and stayed in the closet.
Mihika wrote that it felt like she was suffocating as though immersed neck deep in water. She said it felt like she was drowning in her own unhappiness and that the society did not her help her stay afloat.
Mihika wrote, “You were unable to let your walls down because you knew, instinctively, that you weren’t clear about something. Boys felt right, but you felt like there was a certain deficiency, almost like a phantom limb, constantly nagging you anytime your hormones jostled for the reins.
You’re bisexual. It takes two years of experimentation to realise that your ‘Girl meets Boy’ could just as easily be ‘Girl meets Girl’.
You now had two issues at hand: how do you tell people? Your family?
And, now what?
You tackled the second one first, because the first one drained your face of its colour if you thought about it for more than twenty seconds at a time.”
She said that all through her childhood she had seen dating rituals of the opposite gender holding hands and conversing awkwardly expressing their feelings to like each other. She stated that it was always about the typical girlfriend or boyfriend stereotypes. “Because unlike women who love men and men who love women, you could simultaneously agree and disagree with both.”
She stated that she was forced to deal with her bisexuality. “You’re greedy, you’re indecisive, you haven’t met the right man/woman, you think it’s ‘edgy’, you want threesomes, you’re just ‘horny’.”
Mihika stated that she remembers her argument with her mother when she came out of the closet as a bisexual. She said that she has passionate argument when she came out and it led into a beautiful conversation. Mihika said that her mother asked her in a very soft voice if she was bisexual? Mihika at that moment was thinking about how she only had a moment to answer and the word that comes out of her lips will make her feel like a 17-year-old rejected girl but soon who will acquaint with the LGBT culture and then when she is a 19-year-old she could say yes to the question her mother asked.
Her letter said, “Do you have a crush on that boy? turned to Do you have a crush on that girl? and endless curiosity, questions that you don’t have the answers to. Yet.” Mihika said that everyone will be valiantly shocked and thrilled but to our surprise the one who values our worth will stand by. She ends her letter stating that no matter what, all the discomforts and doubts only made her stronger and made her think that her younger self should have come out of the closet much earlier.
